A New Year...Same Goals...Sorta

I wish I could say that I welcomed the entrance of 2010 with gusto. But the truth is, the 1st of January came and went like any other day (except for the fact that it was hubby's birthday!). But as far as some marker of a new year, meh, it was nothing more special than the day before or after.

Maybe it's because I was in the middle of a couple of projects, or maybe it's because I find myself in a sort of limbo. I have a job...a good job, but if I didn't have to get up and go there everyday for a paycheck, I wouldn't go. I know what you're thinking, most people would say the same. It's not that I don't want to work, I like working. I like the distraction and opportunity to learn and interact with others. I have had many jobs that I loved. This current job is not one of them. So I am left wondering if I need to start looking elsewhere. I am left hoping my new Alpha/Beta reading service will take off and in the greatest of all self-employment dreams, I can forgo the daily trek out into the corporate world and work from home in my pajamas and not have that choice negatively impact the quality of life for my kids.

And I think about how staying in this job that is neither teaching me anything, nor providing opportunities for me to grow, how I am violated both of the two rules...it is providing a source of happiness, and because I have to will myself to go instead of possessing a desire to work there, I have left myself in this cloud of dissatisfaction and self-doubt that is not being kind to myself, and in the long run to my family.

I suppose this is the plight of many parents...this sticky place where what you want must be carefully weighed against what your children deserve. Could I wait? Could I just keep trudging along until the kids are grown and then pursue what I want? The practical Capricorn in my says yes, that's the right course of action. The key has to be figuring out how to do it in a way that doesn't just suck all of the life out of my spirit.

Maybe some quiet thought will bring some new ideas to light. I know there are others out there who have been where I am. If you're one of them, I'd love to hear your thoughts.