A New Year...Same Goals...Sorta

I wish I could say that I welcomed the entrance of 2010 with gusto. But the truth is, the 1st of January came and went like any other day (except for the fact that it was hubby's birthday!). But as far as some marker of a new year, meh, it was nothing more special than the day before or after.

Maybe it's because I was in the middle of a couple of projects, or maybe it's because I find myself in a sort of limbo. I have a job...a good job, but if I didn't have to get up and go there everyday for a paycheck, I wouldn't go. I know what you're thinking, most people would say the same. It's not that I don't want to work, I like working. I like the distraction and opportunity to learn and interact with others. I have had many jobs that I loved. This current job is not one of them. So I am left wondering if I need to start looking elsewhere. I am left hoping my new Alpha/Beta reading service will take off and in the greatest of all self-employment dreams, I can forgo the daily trek out into the corporate world and work from home in my pajamas and not have that choice negatively impact the quality of life for my kids.

And I think about how staying in this job that is neither teaching me anything, nor providing opportunities for me to grow, how I am violated both of the two rules...it is providing a source of happiness, and because I have to will myself to go instead of possessing a desire to work there, I have left myself in this cloud of dissatisfaction and self-doubt that is not being kind to myself, and in the long run to my family.

I suppose this is the plight of many parents...this sticky place where what you want must be carefully weighed against what your children deserve. Could I wait? Could I just keep trudging along until the kids are grown and then pursue what I want? The practical Capricorn in my says yes, that's the right course of action. The key has to be figuring out how to do it in a way that doesn't just suck all of the life out of my spirit.

Maybe some quiet thought will bring some new ideas to light. I know there are others out there who have been where I am. If you're one of them, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Small Kindnesses...My Thoughts Run Rampant

Today, I am participating in the "Small Kindnesses" blogsplash sponsored by Fiona Robyn to celebrate her book by the same title. You can get a free copy of her book on Amazon.  The idea is that today, we spend a few minutes to think about the small kindnesses others have done for us. You can check out all the other bloggers participating here: http://bit.ly/TdDtNW

I have to say, this task of identifying and writing about those small kindnesses paid to me by others, was harder than I thought it was going to be. I've been racking my brain, I can think of several, life-changing examples of the kindness from others, but for the little things, I could only think of a few. Which make me a bit sad, not because I think I have somehow been deprived of the kindness of others, but because I haven't taken the time to let those small things imprint on my brain enough to remember them. I haven't taken the time to really appreciate them. I spend so much of my time looking for ways to be kind and give to others, that in the midst of all of that outgoing concern, I have somehow managed to wall myself up and not accept that same spirit of kindness and giving from others. I'm thinking it's time I change that.

So, I've probably skewed the intent of this post, by letting my thoughts run rampant on the page. In a effort to return to vein in which this event was created, how about one really good example of a small act of kindness?

A Birthday Surprise
I've spent my whole life moving from place to place as part of a military family, first as a military brat, then as an Army wife. And while there are a great many benefits to that kind of lifestyle, one of the things, at least for me, that has suffered are friendships. As a military brat you learn to make fast friends, but we move so often, those roots of friendship are often thick but shallow, and as we move, we spend most of our energy trying to make new friendships and the old ones sometimes fade away. As adults we get so busy with family, work, kids, you know...life, it's hard to start new friendships that go beyond just casual acquaintances. I had experienced a few close friendships in my adult life, one of which crashed and burned so fantastically that I swore I would never let anyone in like that again.  But, during our latest tour in Monterey, CA, I was lucky enough to connect with a handful of folks who extended the offer of friendship in a way I haven't had in a long time.


Last year on my birthday, I went to work just like every other day. Always the first one in, I reveled in the calm before the storm of the day. I got no more than two steps inside the door when I noticed the streamers. Then the sign. Then the balloons. A few more steps toward my desk and there was the confetti, and the tiara, and the cinnamon roll. I laughed out loud, and then I got a bit teary.

My brain started spinning, trying to figure out who had done all of this...there were only a handful of people a) would have done it and b) had access to the office. A handwritten sign and a couple of cards soon revealed the good-spirited culprits.  I'm sure it hadn't taken them long, and I know it didn't cost them very much, but it had such an impact on me. In that single moment, the overwhelming sense of their friendship wrapped around me like a blanket right out of the dryer. I'm not sure I even realized it at the time, but their kindness and thoughtfulness renewed my faith in and desire for friendship.

I enjoyed the rest of the day, ate my cinnamon roll and, yes, I proudly paraded around the office in my birthday tiara. How often do you get the chance to wear a tiara? I wasn't about to let that opportunity pass me by.  I left the streamers up for as long as the boss would let me, then reluctantly popped all the balloons and swept up the confetti. I still have the banner, and the signs. (I'd still have the tiara if someone hadn't stolen it off of my desk!) And I am happy to say, that even though we are no longer all together, these ladies are still among the few that I truly call friends.

How Do You Define It?

Isn't it funny how the same word can mean so many different things, depending on who you are talking to. Laundry, for instance. Laundry for a young, single professional might mean a stop at the dry cleaners. But for a mother of six, well, it's an chore of momentous proportions!

The same can be said for kindness, it means different things to different people. I thought I would look and see how other people define it.


"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."  ~Mark Twain
 
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."  ~Leo Buscaglia

"Because that's what kindness is.  It's not doing something for someone else because they can't, but because you can."  ~Andrew Iskander
 
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” ― Kahlil Gibran

 What does kindness mean to me? It means lending a hand, it means giving of myself, if I can, to help someone else realize how capable and wonderful they are. It is sharing the experience and knowledge I have managed to acquire if someone wants and needs it. It is understanding that being a kid is tough and as a mother, my job is to provide a safe place for them to figure out their place in the world. It is sharing of my time and skills to benefit not only myself, but others as well.

What does kindness mean to you ?

Goals for today:
Be kind to myself: The plan it to take a break from things tonight...it's like a Friday, today. Time to unwind and not stress about anything...if only for this evening!
Be kind to others: Am continuing with my work on the non-profit site. I also mailed off four afghan squares to a group that makes blankets for MomWriters who are going through tough times and I remembered to post a daily writing prompt for my little FB group!
Search for Happiness: I already took care of this one today...I turned up the music in the car on the way to work this morning and sang like a rock star. I forgot how much fun that is and it really put me on track for appreciating all the possibilities I have today!  

It's the Little Things

The whole premise of this project is to figure out ways I can do small things everyday that make a difference, both in my own life and in the lives of others. But how do I do that? Can I be happy without spending a lot of money? Does being kind mean I have to spend tons of time or go out of my way?

I think there will be times when the answer to those question are yes, but there are is also a myriad of opportunities each day to accomplish the little things that can have a huge impact.  Sometimes it's just appreciating the world around me and taking the time to simply acknowledging that I actually see and hear the people who move in and out of my life.  Maybe it's a friendly smile or holding the door for someone. Or it could be taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of the tiny purple flowers that grow in the cracks of the sidewalk.

I think there are many of us who, well, it's not that we aren't kind or that we can't be happy, it's that we sometimes get so wrapped up in the drama and struggles in our own life, that we forget to look around us. There are times when we do need to focus on ourselves, but more often than not, I have found that whenever I start to think my life is heading downhill, the universe puts someone or something in my path that readjusts my perspective.

So, ideas for how to live by these two rules without a bunch of money and tons of extra time?

RandomActsofKindness.org has a whole slew ideas of how to be kind in their database, most of which don't cost much, and many that don't take very much time. I browsed through several pages and kept thinking, "Yeah, I could do that!"

If you need help thinking of things to be happy about, check out: ThingsToBeHappyAbout.com. They offer a daily addition to their list of over 100k little thoughts and ideas to make you smile and help set your perspective to happy.

My goals for today:
Be kind to myself - There is a bubble bath and some fantasy fiction reading time in my future tonight!
Be kind to others - Still working on the non-profit website, I can't wait to open it up to folks and start using it to help military spouse and veteran business owners promote their businesses!
Search for happiness - I'm not sure how I'll do this one today, other than just be thankful for my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, my job, my friends, and chocolate! :)

Kindness is out there...

I don't know about you, but there are days when I just can't watch the news because it seems all they ever report on are all the bad things happening in the world. I'm not suggesting that we tune out the bad, those things come with life. And in fact, if we want to change those things, we have to first know what they are. But, I also think that if we spend some time looking at the good out there, look at examples of how we can live by the two rules - be kind and be happy - then living that way becomes easier, it becomes second nature, it becomes normal!

As I begin my own mission to live by these two rules, I wanted to look out there and see who else is doing this, who else is living a life of kindness, who else is living a life in pursuit of happiness. Here are few I found:

Lifevest Inside:
www.lifevestinside.com
Finding this organization makes me feel so validated...I am not alone in the idea that kindess can change the world! Their vision statement kind of says it all: By living kindly and believing in the inherent good of each individual, change is POSSIBLE! Check out this flash mob they organized recently in Times Square.

Good Samaritan's Kindness Repaid
http://heraldnet.com/article/20121114/NEWS01/711149910/1050/COMM0611

Some people just do what is right without even thinking about it. Imagine stopping to help someone who has been in a horrible accident, only to return to your own vehicle to find someone has stolen the money you just took out of the bank to pay your rent? But then imagine the overwhelming joy you'd feel when the kindness of friends and complete strangers help to make it right again. Put kindness out into the world, and it will come back to you in ways you never could have imagined.









Small Kindess Blogsplash
http://www.writingourwayhome.com/2012/11/what-small-kindness-do-you-remember.html

Small acts of kindness can have such a huge impact, even if you don't realize it. Think about times in the past when someone has shown you a little bit of kindness. How did it change your day? Your life?

Kindness is contagious, so won't you join in and share how someone showed you some small kindness? These folks are sponsoring a blogsplash on November 27th, and you can get all the details by visiting the event page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/events/226720897457793/







Kindness Works
http://lumbertribe.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/kindness-works/

One more I wanted to share, it illustrates in a very clear how simply being kind has an impact. I haven't read Colin Powell's book, but after reading this excerpt, it's on my list of must reads.






I'll sign off with my goals for living by the two rules today:

1. I'll be kind to myself by remembering to do my time on the rower tonight. I've made too many excuses, it's time to start taking better care of myself. I'll be kind to others by focusing today on my volunteer work with the Military Spouse Business Association. We've got a new free military business directory coming out and I want to get it finished so folks can start using it!

2. I'll find happiness in finishing up that directory and spending time with my entire family...this will be the first night we are able to all sit down and share a meal together in almost a week!

What are you going to do today? How will you be kind? How will you find happiness? 

Two Simple Rules

I recently read a blog post by the wonderful Chip Coffey. In this post, he shares two simple rules for navigating this crazy adventure we call life: (Read Chip's November 15th post here)

1. Be kind to yourself and others
2. Search for happiness in all you do

It struck me how simple and yet, if you think about it, how exactly right he is. The timing for the post came on the heels of the presidential election and it seemed to just fit with a lot of feelings I had been experiencing. So many people want to complain that things are bad, and we want to debate everything, but the truth of the matter is, and will always be, actions speak louder than words.

I say it's time we stop debating and criticizing and start doing. We need to each take a part of the responsibility to change the things that are destroying us and start working together, for no other reason than for the simple fact that, it is the only way this world will ever change for the better.

All we have to do is start each day with a promise to followed those two simple rules in everything we do...be kind and be happy. Kindness and happiness are contagious, just like hate and dissatisfaction. We have to chose to be a spark for motivation and joy. We have to recognize that each of us has a responsibility to the other in some shape or form.

My goal is to use this blog to keep an account of the ways that I as an individual am working to follow those rules. I also want to seek out and share some of the kindness and happiness that is already out there. My hope is that others will join in this exercise. Before you know it, tomorrow won't seem nearly as bad as yesterday and we will all be looking forward to what the future brings.

So I challenge you to share what you are doing each day to follow these two rules. Know someone who needs to feel the warmth of some kindness or happiness? Tell me about it, maybe together we can figure out a way to make a difference, one person, one problem, on day at a time.